Jim Clancy, CNN News:
"....Just gotten some some breaking news coming in now from CNN reporter, Hola Gorani in Peru who's been covering the story about this massive and mysterious crater that suddenly appeared one day out of nowhere and has apparently made over 500 local people sick. Hola, what can you tell us?"
"Well Jim, we are witnessing the most amazing sight! About ten minutes ago, the muddy soup that's formed a crust over the crater started to break up and a tiny figure emerged, covered in mud! I don't know....can you see the pictures we took? These are only on satellite phone, but it's still pretty clear and it appears we're are, incredibly, looking at the very FIRST verifiable instance of contact with an extra-"
"-Okay Hola, just hold on a moment as I have Wolf here telling me we got some breaking news coming in from Los Angeles. We'll be right back to you directly... Okay, so we're going over to Wolf Blitzer in the Situation Room. Hi, Wolf, what you got?
"Hi Jim, well you may remember Britney Spears' disastrous performance at the MTV music awards last week where she appeared dazed and disorientated on stage and she was subsequently dumped by her management company. Well, we've just learned that she has re-entered rehab here in downtown LA! She arrived about 10 minutes ago (perhaps you can see the pictures) looking really out of shape, emerging from a limo with blacked-out windows. In fact when she got out of the car, we could actually see her panties! Yeah, she was wearing black lace panties - actually we were fortunate enough to get a close-up crotch shot which you can maybe see in the top left of the screen there?"
"Sure, Wolf! Can you tell us what she was wearing - apart from those hot little panties I mean?"
"Yeah, Jim. Sorry it's kinda hard to hear you right now 'cause there's a bunch of choppers from other networks hovering right above us trying to cover this top story as well. She had on this cute, black Galiano number - we'll try to get you up a picture of it - but she just looked really awful. We're just filming the front door of the rehab center in the expectation that she'll be re-emerging at some point. Can you see the shot of the door?"
"Yeah, no problem, Wolf. Did she say anything to the waiting camera crews?"
"No, not a word, Jim. It's all very strange. We're just gonna keep filming the door and we'll get the answers everyone wants to know just as soon as she comes back out. Stay with us, Jim; this could be dynamite!"
"You got it, Wolf!"
[cue 20 minutes of continuous shaky video footage of said door]
"Uh, Wolf, we'll get right back to you as soon as Britney comes out, but since there's nothing happening there right now, we're gonna go back to Hola in Peru for an update on that crater story. Hola, what's happening now?"
Hi Jim, well, there's been a a lot of frantic action here since my earlier report. About 20 minutes ago, the team of experts from Nevada that offered to help the Peruvian government in this matter arrived and declared the area to be highly dangerous. They initially poured several hundred gallons of pure sulphuric acid into the crater and then dumped several truck loads of quick-set concrete into the hole and as you can maybe see (as we've been moved back about 250yds) they're just completing a positioning of a 12 foot thick massive stone slab over entire site. We've been told the whole area is highly radio active and no one is to go anywhere near it for the next 22,400 years."
"Wow! What about this, uh, "figure" you spoke -"
" -Sorry to interrupt again, Jim. It's Wolf. We have just been told by a member of the staff here that Britney will make a full statement to the assembled press in 15 minutes. I don't wanna interrupt Hola in Peru, but this could be REAL big! Let's stay with it!
"You got it, Wolf..."
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